Finally Free!

The snow is melting, my car is free and yesterday I was able to go play in the woods. I was SOO stinking excited to get out!

See how excited I am? I really did feel like one of those dogs that's locked up in a kennel all day and now I was out and about. It was cold, snowing, windy, wet and I was so excited to be there!

And with me is my best friend, outdoor companion and all around favorite person, Diane. We decided to a do a trail close to home and right off a main road - I mean, they did just declare a State of Emergency in King County so I suppose we shouldn't push it. Besides, Diane and I are known to get into "situations" on some hikes. Yes, we've had to hike out in pitch black before and yes, something did growl at us. *shudder*

So I think this trail was only 3 miles to the top and had a healthy, gradual incline. Usually this trail is quite crowded and we avoid it but yesterday was perfect.

I was in such glee that I went "Timber!" sideways into the snow. Diane caught the moment. I was suprised at how numb I quickly got!

I really don't think this picture does the scene justice. I felt like I was hiking in a Robert Frost poem. It was just so peaceful with the snow all around and the fog swirling among the trees. Here's Diane representing her Bank To Bay shirt - woot!

And finally we get to the top. It was super windy and cold but we still took our moments to reflect. Here is Diane, being one with nature.

And I was still so excited to be out and about that I started doing cartwheels and roundoffs! I was doing so well that I asked Diane to videotape me. And of course, once she pushed "record" I couldn't stop falling on my face. Perfect.

OH - and I have *no* idea how to turn this video vertical so you're going to have to sit sideways to enjoy it.

House Arrest

All of this snow is beautiful - why just look at the street below in my neighborhood. But it's been holding my car hostage and I'm going stir crazy. After getting rides all week I was S.O.L. and had to call in to work today stranded on my Redondo island once again. Of course this was after I watched my neighbor get his car stuck and, can I just say, truly has perfected the art of cussing - I was in awe of his articulation and grammar skills.
Well, in 8 hours I will be free from my snow/slush/ice prison and will be up at the mountains with my buddy! I'm so stinking excited that I can't sleep. Like at all. This is better than Christmas presents - I'm so excited to get out of my prison! So why not a Mom story? Those are always fun...



DISCLAIMER: I am not going to point out my political views - this story is for humorous purposes only. So in theory, let's just say I have *no opinion* when it comes to politics (although I'm sure most of you can guess where I truly stand...)

*ahem*

So my Mother has a fondness for putting her political views "out there". She can be forceful in her delivery so much so that I've asked that she give the newspaper her maiden name when writing in her opinion.
Of course there was one day when a co-worker called me after running into my Mother canvassing in his neighborhood. He was able to give me direct quotes from her as I cringed in my chair. But he said she was "very sweet" about it. I think he was being sweet...

But anyway, she likes to put window decals on her car so the world can see just where she stands politically. For instance - she has/had this one sign that said something intolerant and hateful like "Save Marriage; One Man & One Woman = Were a Christian and You're Not" or something like that. So obviously I'm in fear for my Mother's safety (and in fear that someone will recognize her as "Krista's Mom" in the intolerance-mobile) so whenever I get the chance I take the window decal down and hide it.
The best was when she got her car worked on and couldn't find it. She proceeded to make a HUGE SCENE at this place of business accusing everyone of taking it. Then it occured to her that I took it. When she called me after her tyriad, and I let her know where to find it in her car, I had the pleasure of hearing her apologize very quietly to those she accused.

So of course on Christmas when I see this sign: (see below) you know what I felt my duty to do.



I thought I had gotten away with it, the window decal safe in my purse. As were about to leave the driveway she remembers something she wants to show us. "Stay right there - I want to show you my new sign!"

Crap.

Minutes later she comes out, pouting and yells "Krista Rose! Where did you put it!?" Well, I'm getting rusty in my older age and didn't even plan on her having a back-up window decal. The one that I saw in her hands. So, she's getting wiser in her old age. She's picking up. But I will be back. It's for her own good - for her protection of course.

Merry Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle Christmas!

Merry Merry Christmas!! I of course can't sleep. I'm staying up to track Santa's progress so far! And guess what - he's done! Everyone has their presents and their coal. My family isn't exchanging presents this year due to the economic crunch so hopefully I'm not just getting coal!

So I wanted to clear up some Christmas rumors. One of the biggest one is does your tongue *really* stick to a pole when it's cold outside?
The answer is Yes it does.
I know from personal experience.
I can't remember if it was a dare, double dare or the dreaded triple dog dare but I think I did it because I was very curious. We were waiting for the bus early in the morning and had time to spare. Until I got stuck!
I remember my friends pulling me hard with no luck to free my tongue. Finally I had to jump up and down and heard half my tongue rip off. I spit up as much blood as I could before I hopped on the bus but really couldn't taste anything for days and days.

And you see how in the below picture it's just the tip of his tongue? Oh no, I was more dedicated - I put the flat of my tongue, tastebud side, all up on that pole. I meant business. It's not a good business to get into though.

In fact, one of my friends that was at that bus stop that morning recently sent me an email:



"Hey girl... I had to write you ... my friend here at work, just out of the blue, asks me if I think it "really works" when somebody sticks their tongue to a frozen pole. Can you guess what came to mind? I had to laugh and tell her a really big YES it does really work... I told her all about a friend of mine and that when we were kids waiting for the bus to come one frosty morning... she stuck her tongue to the big metal electric pole...(do you recall any of this?)... then as the bus was coming, she still couldn't get it off and therefore ripped it from the pole with just enough time to climb on the bus. Your.... I mean.. her... tongue bled all the way to school. We saw the skin on that pole for WEEKS until it finally went away."

I often wonder if my palette is now flawed because of that whole experience...




So the snow/slush/ice is *still* holding my car hostage! After staying at the Schmucks for two nights so I could get rides to work I came back home today and will still not have any luck leaving.
Out of boredom the other day I made a fire (picture above) which I've never done here before. OK, from the picture you can tell I made the fire from a duraflame - still counts!
Anyway, perhaps I don't remember this from fireplaces as a young girl but after an hour of relaxing and hearing my fire crackle all of a sudden I heard loud "thuds" coming from my fireplace.
I instantly started picturing something combustible about to explode inside my chimney walls. Then I started hearing a VERY loud waterfall. Had a pipe burst behind my wall?
After running to the kitchen and getting a full bowl of water to take care of the flames I proceeded to call every reliable guy I knew to decide whether or not thuds and waterfalls were normal coming from fireplaces.
Well, it was pointed out to me when there is a foot of snow on your roof, and you light a fire, and the snow heats up....you get the point. I'm not building another fire until this snow melts though.

I hope everyone out there has a VERY Merry and Funky Christmas! Drive safe and don't shoot your eye out!

Happy Birthday Joshie!

My oldest nephew Joshie turned 8 years old today! Look how handsome and daper he is. He is such a cute little gentleman. He is very thoughtful and very honest. Wow. This is sounding like a children's book huh!

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"See Josh be a gentleman"

"Josh is very thoughtful. See Josh be thoughtful"

"See Josh run. Josh is a honest runner."

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Anyway...

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He wants to be a safety officer when he's older (previously a police officer but I think it's changed a bit). In fact for his birthday this morning he got: Caution Tape, a Reflecter Vest and some Orange Cones. Since there's a lot of snow right now I asked if he was going to use his safety gear to help out his neighbors and he replied "Auntie Krista, you don't get me." What??? He went on to explain "Those are for playing not for helping the neighbors. The neighbors have to help themselves." So he's a lazy Safety Officer. Perhaps if the neighbors get donuts he'll lend them a helping hand.

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He would make a good Officer though due to his strong ethics and strong sense of what's right and what's wrong. For example: Josh is not allowed to watch PG or PG-13 movies (I know, I know...I feel the same way). One time when I was watching him I wouldn't change the channel to something "G" despite his protests. I tried to explain why it was OK. Well he got furious with me and left the room. A few minutes later he came back with a colored piece of paper and gave me my pink slip! It's all about the rules with him.

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In any case - I remember when Joshie was born and waiting all day and night at the hospital with the rest of the family. Once he was officially born I called every person I stinking knew to tell them the good news. I couldn't wipe the grin from my face for months.

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Thank you Joshie for being born. You always make Auntie Krista very proud! I love your guts!

Cheese and Christmas Cheer (don't forget the beer).

"Cheeeeese!" Look how cute Baby Rambo is - a good way to start off my blog. He's just the happiest little kid ever...and so good at his cheese!



There are many things that I can't do and one of the things that I'm REALLY good at not doing well is baking/cooking/frying. Just anything to do with the kitchen - including cleaning. So last year for my friends' annual Christmas party I decided that the best gift I could give, that showed the most thought, would be cookies.
But last year I did it *all* wrong. I started off the day with a very long run and then gave myself 6 hours to bake about 7 different batches of cookies. Clearly I'm unexperienced. Somehow I had convinced Alan the Ogre to come over and the poor guy was put to work in my sh*t storm of a kitchen. I ended up setting off my smoke alarm twice and sent him to the store more than once (but no more than 3 times if I recall correctly).
So this year I did it differently - I decided to bake a different cookie batch (or two) every night for a week until my party. Clearly better. Oh, and by the way, my cookies last year were not that great. In case you were wondering....
Also this year I spared Alan the Ogre and didn't drag him into my mess - I figure leaving him alone is the best present I could ever give him.



So this is what the counter of my kitchen looked like all week. Some of my main ingredients waiting on the sideline, ready to be called for action.

So the first batch I made were Mexican Wedding Cakes. I never ate one but watched Rambo eat one tonight - when half of it crumbled to the floor in several pieces I decided that they were too dry. Figures.



Now these were actually pretty good! They are called Cranberry Hootycreeks (I chose them for the name of course). The green and red you see are white chocolate chips. Safeway was cleaned out of the regular ones so I had to buy the "festive ones". I actually think it adds more character.

These were so gross! To me at least. These are 7 Layer Magic Bars. I'm sure they're actually pretty good when cooked correctly. But I don't think I cooked them long enough. My co-worker Amanda said they're perfect if you drink a glass of milk after each bite (they're really sweet). And my other co-worker Melody said it took her an hour to eat just one. I threw most of them away.

These I like a lot. They're called Candy Cane Crisps. On some of them I got a little too excited about the candy canes which made them a bit too crispy. But still a crowd pleaser.

These get first prize. Soooo stinking good: Knock You Naked Brownies. Again, another one I chose from the name. But when I cooked them last night I bit into them and the caramel and chocolate chips were still gooey and I was in instant heaven. I made sure not to keep any of them. My hips can only take so much.

My how this scene has changed over the years - look at all the kids! Just when I was getting used to the rings. I have the best pals ever (with the cutest kids no doubt). And you know what makes them the best? They eat my cookies. And they say they like them. Even if I don't think it's true - they encourage and are gracious.

.....this is a big change from our years in college when they bought me a beginner's cookbook then proceeded to make fun of me all evening when I brought over my soupy banana cream pie. Jerks.

And on a unrelated note: I'm SO stinking happy that she posted some of the draft from her 5th book. It's made my Christmas complete http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/pdf/midnightsun_partialdraft3.pdf

Ho Ho Ho - Merry Christmas!

Edward and long-lost hikes

So I finally finished the TWILIGHT series and now have my life back. I can start doing my laundry, cleaning my kitchen and get more than 4 hours of sleep at night. But I saw this picture of Hugh Jackman on the internet and couldn't help but think that if Edward had become a vampire at an older age this is what he'd look like. SWOON!

And I know I take a risk of being mobbed by a bunch of 14-year-old (and 30-year-old women for that matter) by saying this but I wasn't completely won over be Edward. There were no flaws to love and adore. I like Jacob because he would challenge Bella...guys like Edward don't last forever. Guys like Jacob are more realistic. Sorry - I'm head over heart little girls - please take your pitchforks and go back home despite my opinion!

But in other thoughts - I totally miss summer hikes right now. I have this race tomorrow and it's going to be STINKING cold! Perhaps even snowy. I don't even know if my muscles will ever get warm enough. So here is a picture for me to hold on to: This is from the Tatoosh Ridge hike that Big D and I did. We parked a car on each end of the trail so it was 11 miles of one-way wonderment and sweaty bliss. Getting up the steep switchbacks to this point were so worth it. Our trail was dug into the steep slant of the hillside and we could see Rainier (pictured), St. Helens and Adams. Bliss I say...

Massage Etiquette

This picture has nothing to do with my blog, I just thought it was funny. Besides, if you're going to take the time to dress up and find just the right wig to go with those bright pink flip flops then you want to make sure people appreciate your look...right? That's what I always thought.

But moving on:

So I bought some massages last year when I thought I was going to be running a lot more than I ended up being able to in 2008 (See March 2008 blog - An Ode to Vivi).
But now I have to use them all up before the end up this month! So after finishing up returning my Monday phone calls from work this evening I evaluated my to-do piles. There is the "Do ASAP" piles, the "Check if needs to be done ASAP" piles and the "Not so much ASAP but definitely do Soon" pile. Feeling my body slouch down in my chair I decided to make a phone call "Ok God, if there's an opening then I know you're telling me that I shouldn't stay late." And what do ya know - there was one opening left this evening for a massage. Me=Gone immediately from my office.

So I let my masseuse know about my achy shoulder/neck before I laid down for her to work her magic. And she's just amazing as always. Always within the first ten minutes I have that moment of clarity when I realize it's easy to be single when all I need are massages like this to keep me happy.
But she never really got to the guts of my problem spot within the first 30 minutes...do I speak up? I don't want to offend her. As I was contemplating I heard his sniffle "Are you sick? Do you need to take a minute?" She informs me that she has a horrible sinus ache behind her eyes. Oh poor girl...now I REALLY don't know if I should tell her re-evaluate my problem spot. So I keep silent.
She goes on to massage my achy calves (courtesy of 6.7 on Mercer last night) and even my fingers. And let me interrupt here and say that when I was in high school my little crush used to massage my hands during class because they would ache from working at Baskin Robbins the night before. How cute is that? But I digress....
So she keeps sniffling as she works out my quads "Are you feeling OK?" I'm trying to feel her out. She insists she does but is fighting off a sneeze. So I guess in my head that we have about 15 minutes left as she makes her way back to my head. Finally - she's going to save the best for last and work out that brick in my shoulder...right? Hmm..well, that head massage feels nice....Oh, and I didn't realize my neck was so sore there - thank you....but still...should I say something? And then *ding* - time is up.
Dang it. So what is proper massage etiquette? Do I speak up and say "Hey lady, wipe your nose and then get your hands back up here and show my shoulder who is boss!" ??

So I did the next best thing: I scheduled a massage for next week with a fella. Because I figure since guys don't have feelings and enjoy hurting women anyway....well, you know where I'm going with this.

To be continued!

The Truth About Buford

Shortly before I turned 13 my sister came home for the weekend from College. She wasn't at home long before the doorbell rang - it was our neighbor. Before he said anything she noticed the gun he was holding to my dog, Buford's head. "Keep your dog away from my horses or this is what's going to happen to him."

The night before I turned 13 I heard a gunshot coming from my neighbor's house. This wasn't unusual except for the fact that I never saw Buford again. Over Thanksgiving dinner I found out the truth about Buford...

Let me just pause here and say how much I adored Buford. He was my pride and joy - he seemed to be a mix of Shepherd, Lab and adorable mutt. I spent hours with him outside playing fetch and teaching him other tricks. Now for a little girl who had no cable TV, siblings away at college and friends too far for walking distance - Buford was a dream. *sigh* But he loved to chase the neighbor's horses along the fence. I'm certain in Buford's head this was just a fun game since they would run along the fence with him. Back and forth for hours while Buford barked the whole time.

So for years I've been haunted by the mystery of Buford's disappearance. Was he buried just next door? Was it a quick death? How long would he have lived - been mine? It's not fair to compare dogs to Buford that I'd had gotten since his disappearance. But when something is taken away from you prematurely you can't help but compare. (I'm sorry for saying that Mattie, RIP).

So over Thanksgiving dinner somehow we start talking about Buford and my Dad casually asked me if he ever told me what he found out from our other neighbor. "Noo....what happened to Buford? He wasn't shot?" Turns out my gun-loving neighbors had some dog-loving friends that lived in the country and saw Buford as a good-looking dog. So. They took him. Buford didn't die and the horses were never barked at again since that day. I had spent my whole 13th birthday in mourning not knowing that at the same time Buford was getting used to a new home.
So Buford. I hope they treated you well. Now my mind is drifting to many other questions now that the truth has come out.

Hmmm...see what happens when I listen to too much Tori Amos? But really - 1000 Oceans tugs at my heart so much!

So to end on another optimistic note below is a picture of my nephews below on Thanksgiving. How stinking cute! Josh and I talked about his future career in being a Safety Officer while Colin kidnapped my camera and took pics of everything. He was doing a very good job and when I told him that he exclaimed that it was because he's getting "Smarter and stronger every day!" Of course!

For Stacia

No introduction needed....

Keep that beautiful smile and keep your hands off my lucky charms!

Sick can kiss my natural white butt

OK Sick. You are I are going to battle. The gloves are coming off! You have interrupted my life this week and it is unforgiveable. Just when I think I conquered you, you pulled a fast one on me. I appreciate your fighting spirit but may I remind you that I am a wildcat and will not hesitate to claw you crazy! GRRRRR not PURRRRR.

If you mess up my training then you better pack up and leave town because you will go down. I worked way too hard (well, not that hard but still!) to have you ruin it all for me. This may work against you because being mad makes me better at physical challenges. Didn't know that did you?!

And you're lucky I have the coolest Supervisors ever! They have a philosophy (that I need to get used to) that if I'm sick then I need to stay home and get better in lieu of toughing you out. What ticks me off the most about you is that I have stuff to do at work, I don't have time for your nonsense. Today was an important day at work - why couldn't you just leave it alone? Why must you always have the last word? Well check this out buddy - I got a new prescription today and you are SO going down. I'll be patient and watch you suffer while I conquer you.

And we've already been over this in the past - remember when you made me miss my presentation in 9th grade? Then my teacher made me do my portion after school a few days later in front of the boys cross country team. You thought you were pretty funny didn't you. Remember in college when you hit me so hard that I had to cut off my matted hair and get a long lecture from the Doctor for waiting too long to turn you in? Which wasn't my fault - you wouldn't let me walk, sleep, drive or speak in coherent sentences even. And I still haven't decided if you played a part in my broken tooth or not, but if I found out you did...just watch yourself.

Sure, I'm good at ignoring you. Really good actually. I will push you aside and do what *I* need to do and refuse to let you get to me. I will get my run on, my work done, enjoy my beer and snow shoeing. But you have been completely unfair this week. You hit me with a new punch that I was completely unfamiliar with and it hurt. And when I thought you had hit the mat for good you returned with a sucker punch. Do you see my nostrils flaring?

Well, this is my farewell. By this time tomorrow you better have left town. My Mother's side gave me the side of crazy and it's been dormant for a while but don't think I won't wake it up to dominant you! There, you have been warned....

But since I don't want to end on a mad and bitter note (even though I'm mad and bitter about being sick right now!) I'll leave with a cute picture of Baby Schmuck. Look at the expression on his face! haha I swear I wasn't scaring him. That was such a good night. I held Baby Schmuck on my lap and drank some wine while talking with the Schmucks in the kitchen. He was drooling all over and I think it's because he wanted some of my wine. A craving he most likely got from his Mother Momica. And later? He rolled over. That's right! And next? Cartwheels.

PS - Sick can kiss my natural white butt!

Quick notes

*A big stinking CONGRATULATIONS to the Gagne's! They are officially pregnant. I have this image of a baby girl that loves to wear camo, shoots animals, spits ten feet, can talk to dogs with her eyes and is a famous chef by the age of ten. But Mike insists that he'll have a boy that will wear lots of camo and will be driving a boat by the age of 3. We'll see who's right. But really - I love happy news like this. Mike and Alicia - you deserve the best. Life gave you some challenges but you both persevered and didn't lose your good attitude and faithful love for everyone around you. Now is the time to reap the rewards. Love your guts you two!

*I can't stop thinking of Geotrax. Have you heard of this? My nephews love this and now I'm hooked. This picture is one I found on the internet but I'm obsessed in my head to buy more components for it so we can see what else we can build! Joshie's birthday is in late December. I don't think I can wait that long.

But while were on the subject - aren't my nephews stinking cute?


*Thanks for the Gillinghams for the post-Halloween party! Drunk Derek - it's been way too long haha. And why didn't I take a picture of Big D in her Wheatie's costume? She looked awesome. I'll have to see if Ben has an edited photo I can borrow...
Oh - and see Derek? I don't *ONLY* blog about Alan the Ogre, Big D and Shia. Your name is now on here for everyone to see so stop your b*tchin'....and you're the best. Shoot - I forgot to tell Melanie my "Mom Story". We need another party now...but without the Smirnoff Ice. Party Foul.

*Did 9 miles tonight after downloading more running music. Heck ya it felt good. Half-Marathon is about a month away. I usually feel good in training and then on race day come 11th or 12th mile I start cursing myself stating I will *never* do another race again. We'll see what I decide. Something on my run happened today though - I had to give my confession to Derek, Alan the Ogre and Big D. If you're like them and have heard my "Mom story" there's nothing too private to share anymore.

*And finally: I told myself to have my place cleaned by 11pm and you see what I do? I go on the computer to distract myself from cleaning. I refuse to have my Mom over to help me clean though. It's not like I'm 26 anymore...

Breaking the Rules

I have a personal rule not to blog about guys I date or my job. I'm breaking one of 2 rules tonight - and it's about the boys not the criminals!
So first of all: I HATE dating. Hate it. It's like a long job interview and sometimes what you think you're applying for is way different than what the applicant meant to advertise for. The only good thing I can get out of it is free food and cheap entertainment. So let's take a quick road down "I hate dating and this is why" memory lane from the past year:



*Hot Detective: What a man to resist! Broke my heart a little bit but I stuck to my guns. On some level I think he was the devil and I somehow resisted temptation. But as time went by I see that he's hilarious, vulnerable and acts like a middle school boy who can't control the monster in his pants. He's fun - perhaps we'll go out for a drink again soon. I love to laugh and reject sexual advances.

*Pervert Pilot: My mistake here. I think I just needed a distraction from the Hot Detective. When I look back this guy really creeped me out - but I can be cynical so I figured to give it a chance. One thing I learned this year is to *always* trust your gut and your first instinct. Oh, what made him a pervert? Well he said...I can't even repeat it. I love pervert humor when it involves humor. When there's no joke it's just creepy. *shudder*

*Dirty Virgin: Again another distraction from someone I won't include on my list. Fun guy but his laugh was horrible. I felt so bad for the other people in the theater. But he made me laugh outside of the theater and could be very sweet. But really, what's the point of being a virgin if you've been so dirty? This whole legalism thing has got to go - if your heart's not in it then it's not worth the dedication. Oh, and he really didn't treat his dog well.

*Chubby Redhead: Very nice guy. No physical attraction. Fun to hang out with - but he reminded me of a buddy from high school I'd hang out with, not someone I'd date. Derek has this theory that I only date guys that treat me like crap - and I think he bases that theory from my boyfriend from 11 years ago. In reality he's just pissed that my crappy ex-boyfriend from 11 years ago was way taller than him, but I digress...(I'm gonna pay for that comment)
Anyway - Chubby Redhead picked the hardest hike of them all. Long story. But the end result on that trail was don't put your arm around me like you're the man after you left your balls at the trailhead. Just saying.

*Dreamy Husky: This is still fresh. Very nice guy and his calm mannerism was contagious. I could feel my icy heart start to melt. But I don't get this whole polyagmy dating thing (Derek's term that I stole). Another hard decision but I stuck to my guns and broke a little piece of my heart. It wouldn't of worked out anyway - I don't think he realized how much I appreciate dirty humor and love to cuss.

So really, I hate dating. It's weird. There's always these new rules that pop up that I wasn't aware of. I always thought things were more simple and traditional. Like the guy pursues the one girl he likes and the 3rd date is the make or break date. And I always go at least 3 dates - makes for better stories.

Plus I like free meals.

First Place!

Surprise Surprise I saw my old friend Jessica at Big D's this weekend! She's amazing folks - not only is she beautiful, smart, funny, tricky (damn grass game), a Doctor, a mother of twins and wonderful wife - but she is also ....*drum roll*.... Spanaway Junior High's past dancing queen!

Oh yea, put on a little Red Hot Chili Peppers and 8th grade comes back to her along with her sweet dancing moves!

(Reunited and it feels so gooooood!)

It was SOOO stinking good seeing you Jessica! What I got you gotta give to your Mama! What I got you gotta give it to your Papa! Everybody join the chorus now!

(Dr Jessica at work...really)

(Jessica's Halloween toes!)

On another note: Shout out to Elle and Jesse for the DELICIOUS dinner and bottle of wine post-run. I can't wait to see more of Ava's art - Red *is* my favorite color - she's a girl after my own heart.

And on another another note: Alan the Ogre is not convinced when I tell him that my faithful blog readers really don't think he's an a$$hole! It was pretty classic when Jessica could tell who Alan was right away by his texting though. Can't say I don't make a good point! But to know Alan is to adore Alan. Except when he's texting. Just saying...

Mouse Toe

No, not camel toe. Pervs. Mouse Toe. I indeed have a broken toe that originated from a mouse.

(Left set of feet, right foot, second toe - pure guilt in the streets of Antigua, Guatemala)

It's a sad story from my youth yet a constant reminder every time I take off my socks, get a pedicure, put on my flip flops, etc. Sometimes I look that broken toe right in the eye and take a picture of it without hiding it. I mean, the mouse lost it's life and I gained an ugly, disfigured toe. I feel the humility is earned. What's even worse? I can't even remember the mouse's name...

(Right set of feet, right foot, second toe - pure guilt on the coast)

When I was in grade school I had pet mice. I also had pet cats. It's not the easiest combination especially when you had determined cats like mine yet mice like mine that had freedom. Once a day I would take a mouse out for a walk out in our front yard. Not joking - I treated those mice good! I'd give them peanut butter jars, build them mouse forts and took extra measure to protect them from my cats.

One of these extra measures was to put a five pound dumbbell on top of their hard wire top. Something way too heavy for curious claws to flip off. So picture this: 10-year-old Krista, home from church on a sunny day with the impulse to share that sunny day with her beloved white mouse. Young Krista takes the dumbbell and places it on top of her dresser and takes her mouse out of the cage. She's just about to put her mouse on her shoulder (the mouse's preferred mode of travel is not in hand of course) and before she can make this hand to shoulder exchange the dumbbell, falls hard, on her toe. And that's where things went bad...

(Post-hike, right foot, 2nd toe - pure guilt and mangled feet on the Pacific Crest Trail parking lot)

So young Krista had no idea what struck her at first but it was pain, pure unexpected pain. She does the silent scream accompanied with the full body tension. You know what was tense the most on Krista? Her fists. Especially her left fist with her precious mouse inside it. Once she realizes what happens she looks at her mouse and sees it's head sticking straight up with the life squeezed vertically out of him. She tries to run out of her room but can only hop on one foot down the hallway to her family. Each hop is accompanied with the climbing realization of the situation: She broke her toe and killed her mouse. So of course as soon as she sees her family she cries "I broke my toe and I killed my mouse!" They just stare at her. For some reason, she throws the mouse at their feet. Don't ask me why - I'm big Krista, I can only speak so much for young Krista.

(Right foot, 2nd toe - pure guilt shared with the sea stacks)

The rest of the day was a blur. Her brother buried her mouse in thet pet cemetary and her Dad had her soak her foot in cold water. Then hot water. Then cold water. Dad was pretty determined that young Krista's toe wasn't broken and that all it needed was hot/cold water treatment and then she can run it off. A week later the doctor disagreed and my grotesque, broken toe was born. Ever since the bone sticks up vertically to the sky just like her mouse's head when she squeezed the life out of it. It even rubs against the top of her shoes and breaks the skin. No, it's not a blister, it's mouse punishment that you see on the top of my second toe.

I found a picture of this mouse on the internet. Look how fragile and trusting it is. Just like I'm sure my mouse was. I personally revoked my rights of mouse ownership after that day.

But while were on the subject - I should really expand this story and tell of how much my parents refused to take me to the doctor growing up: Walk it off, rub dirt in it, soak it in water, put a cold towel on your forehead, etc. I even had to steal my Mom's credit card and drive myself to the doctor with a 104 temperature after 3 days of putting a "cold towel" on my forehead. But, I digress.

RIP Mouse-whose-name-I-can't-remember. There will never be another...

The Height of Rudeness

"The Height of Rudeness" was a line Big D and I heard from an episode Flight of the Conchords (one of the funniest shows ever) and we decided it would be a perfect title for a blog. At first I thought I could write a blog with that title based on the picture above. But then... then Alan the Ogre inspired me otherwise... But before I get into that isn't this picture ridiculous? See what some people will do for a good race time? He even looks disgusted with himself. I hope you got a good PR man...

So my dear buddy Alan the Ogre, whom I love and adore, is incredibly rude. Many people wouldn't describe him as this. Alan for the most part is such a wonderful person I thank my lucky stars for knowing him. When I describe Alan to others I always mention how wonderful I think he is. But Alan has the most horrible habit. A habit so bad that makes me constantly question "Why do I even take time to hang out with you?"

You see, Alan is a texting whore. It is true. Those who know him best know it and now it's time for me to put him out on shout in one last effort to shame him into changing the error of his ways. He texts and drives (grrrr), he texts when I'm driving, he texts when I'm talking, he texts during dinner, he texts when you're not looking...and I don't even want to think of the other things he does while he's texting.

At times I'll ask "Who the h*ll are you texting so much!?" but he is reluctant to answer. And then when he opens his mouth I walk away. Because I don't care. I am just perplexed as to why he is wasting the value of my company. For example, last night I had two other offers, from two very cool people to hang out with them. But, I had plans with Alan the Ogre. I'm not quite sure if Alan was aware that him and I were hanging out because he was freaking texting the whole time. Can I get a witness!? Why yes I can. My beautiful german vixen Christina was there to see it all.

And Alan the Ogre is as stubborn as he is good hearted. At first, in the past, I would politely point out that his texting is a little rude but this does not sway him. Then in true Krista fashion over time I get feisty and confrontational and he just laughs, tells me that he doesn't ignore me, and continues to text. You're lucky I'm not blogging about your driving Alan - yeah, I'm talking to you!!!

So then last night, in a rare moment when Alan wasn't texting I kept quiet to see if he would start a conversation. Of course he did not. It has gotten so bad that Alan only knows how to converse with his fingers.

Who is this man, this obsessive texting whore that takes advantage of Krista's company you ask? Why look below. That's him. Back in the good 'ol days before his texting addiction.

But now the good days are gone as Alan the Ogre has reached The Height of Rudeness.

Jerk.

Once again...

Shia my beloved is on Jay Leno tonight. Yes, I did stay up specifically to see him...hold on, commerical break is over.....

So where was I? Was is it about Shia? He is just funny, sarcastic, courteous and humble. And he can relate to curly hair I'm sure. And those hands...those are hands of a man. I wonder if once you go Jewish you never go back...

I peed on a National Monument.

Twice. What else is a girl to do when she's trying to overdose on hydration on a hot day while climbing a volcano?
This is the Mt. St. Helen's crew getting ready for the climbing battle at way-too-early-O-thirty in the morning. Big D, Deeann and Mama Klavano. Now all 3 of these ladies had climbed Kilimanjaro in June so I had to bring it. Bring it Krista bring it!

So the first 2 miles is easy-cheesy. Were doing a gradual climb in the forest, stopping to pick berries, I'm reminding myself to stay awake - it basically feels like any other hike. I basically have no idea what to expect. Big D doesn't either - we just know somehow we'll be at the summit of Mt. St. Helen's eventually that day.
Soon the forest disappears and were presented with this huge lava boulder field. It is so steep that I'm still not comprehending how far were going to climb. The night before I was thinking "Elevation of 4500 feet in 5 miles? Oh, that's easy!" In my head anything less than 1000 ft elevation gain per mile is do-able and a great workout. And here's where my simple thinking failed me: Those hikes are usually long switchbacks. In forests. With dirt. And stable ground. To get to the summit of Mt. St. Helen's it's just a bit different...
To start we had to "look out for the posts" in the rock fields. There is no trail. Big D and I kept saying "Just up." Look for the posts and climb up.

*****Where's Waldo: Can you spot the post in this picture? One of many******

So this is "just up." These are lava boulders and can be sharp to the hands so eventually Big D and I started sporting garden gloves. Oh yea, they are also for massive rock gardens. Some rocks weren't stable. It was a constant maze of testing rocks, looking out for posts, finding a boulder that was small enough to climb over, asking "Where are you?" over the tall boulder and dodging squirrels. Yeah, you heard me. Those ferocious squirrels.

Check out this assertive bastard! He jumped on Big D's pack trying to get food! So here's a rule for the outdoors: Do not feed the animals. And don't ask me why not feeding squirrel's applies - you can ask Big D that question. Guess in actuality I really can't answer that question except to say they'll expect food and jump on your pack to get it! No squirrel guts, no squirrel glory!

Oh, and at this point I only heard one pika. Just one. I think there's a squirrel gang overtaking the lava field. It's not how it once was back in the day: a rock field that pikas, squirrels and marmots could live together in harmony. Those were the days...damn those gangster squirrels - they think they run the place now and all the granola bars are their's for the taking!

Anyway - all this drinking water (Ok, I finally admit having a camelback *is* nice), made our bladders full. After Big D braved a gut-relieving pee I decided that I couldn't hold back anymore and had to take advantage of her pee skills. She went to work and quickly found me a great pee spot. Mt. Adams and I had a very private moment as I took care of my business sans penis.

Climbing over the rock fields took FOREVER. But I didn't take many pictures because it took me a while to regain my balance everytime I stopped. I was kind of glad when the rocks were left behind and our portion of climbing thru the loose pumice stone and ash began. We broke out the trekking poles (thanks Mama Klavano!) and slowly trudged up the mountain taking one step, sliding down a half step before going on to the next step.

A lot of this climb reminded Big D of Kilimanjaro - except today wasn't as treacherous for her! She talked of steeper terrain, back in the pitch black dark which made her unaware of how much risk she was really taking navigating her way up...thank God today for bright sun. I like to know how much my life hangs in the balance...I think.

Finally to the top! This was my first official big picture! I saw a familar friend in the distance - why hello Mt. Rainier! Big D I were in awe...I hadn't been to Mt. St. Helens since I was a kid and puked pink pop out the window of our moving german station wagon. (it was white and looked pretty bitching with the pink racing stripe if I do say so myself...) Anyway - I was suprised to see all the trees were still collected in Spirit Lake. I was also impressed to see how much work our little Helen has done rebuilding her dome! But it was really cool to see it from this perspective.

I just like this picture. It's Big D and her shadow taking in a panoramic view for the very first time at the summit. Sah-Weet.

So one of our picnic neighbors at the summit was very nice to take pics of Big D and I with Mt. Rainier in the background...

....Then with Mt. Adam's in the background (shout out to Coach Sh ull and Andrea for climbing that bitch in one day last summer)

...then finally with Mt. Hood in the background so it wouldn't feel left out.

Enough with the pictures - we were stinking hungry. I could of been eating tuna fish and would of been the happiest girl in the world....no, that's not true. I would of thrown tuna fish in the crater. Which reminds me - when they climbed Kilimanjaro one night the cook's made "tuna fish stew." Gross. Seriously gross.

Anyway - Big D took a nice pic of my hiking boots hanging over the rim while we ate lunch. After stuffing ourselves with summit food goodness Big D and I laid our heads down in the ash and had a light nap while we waited for the rest of our hiking party. Life is good.

It didn't seem to take long for Mama Klavano and Deeann to make it to the summit to join us! Deeann met 2 of 2 goals that day: reach the summit and not injure herself on the lava rock field requring stitches. I'll let you guess what happened to her last year. But man oh man I was thinking of stiches every time I navigated a boulder and loose stone.

So Mama Klavano revealed we were *not* at the true summit yet. The true summit was beyond that crowd pictured above...then down (which was treacherous), then back up. OK. Were here. Might as well officially summit right?

So that treacherous part...holy crap. My butt was puckering the whole time! I was fighting off sheer panic while we were trying to navigate a steep rock field that was lining the crater's rim and a steep slope. A few times I put my weight on a unstable rock and watched it tumble, and tumble down the hill with a mini-avalanche. I couldn't decide if I wanted to die by falling into the crater or tumbling down the steep mountain. Both which seemed like very probable outcomes to me at that point. Big thanks to Big D for keeping me calm and showing me the way...

...to this. The true summit! Yes I was sitting on the crater's edge. It felt WAY safer than the treachery I just climbed thru with Big D! I waited as Big D went pee for the...3rd or 4th time I think. Yeah, take that national monument - at least I limited it to twice. After this I dropped shorts and relieved my bladder for the 2nd time. It was a really weird experience to be out in the open, on top of the world and mooning Mt. Rainier. But I liked it.

Here's Big D and I being picture whores. I still don't think I took enough pics - it was so amazing up there! (Mt. Adam's in the background).

*******2nd Where's Waldo: Can you spot Big D hiking along the crater's rim? Badass.*********

Here's Big D heading back up and over the rim of the crater to get back to the trail to head back to the car. I mean, there's not really a trail. Going down the ash/pumice stone was the best part! You take a step and "PLUNGE" down far! It was far easier going down that part. But then we hit the rocks. Holy hopping snot it was harder getting down that part. How we made it out without stitches, twisted ankles and broken wrists (yes, we fell a bit) is beyond me.

One last self-portrait at the top! Yay us! We made it! Big thanks to Mama Klavano and Deeann for helping and sharing this experience with us. Big thanks from me to Big D for helping me combat my inner-scaredy cat. And thanks Helen for reminding me to be more thankful for my trails. I forgot how nice it was to take a nice long stride again.

It has now been over 24 hours since the summit. I am sore. Beyond sore. My arms and legs are sore. Going down the rocks you basically have to do tricep dips to get down the rocks (and lat pulls to get up actually). Oh, and not putting sunscreen on the back of my legs was a bad idea. I'm waddling around like ET - if I had a sunflower it would be suffering too.

Was it worth it? Hell yeah. Will I do it again? Hmm....

PS - Unrelated but big props to Jenny and her first 5k! Big D and I could barely keep up with her in the last mile when she informed us she was going to "kick it". Even up the hill folks. Jenny got a PR and an amazing time - 9:35 miles. Did I mention she just starting running 2 months ago? I'm so proud and inspired!